FLUSH with change

Courtesy of the University of Vermont

Courtesy of the University of Vermont

I was going through my phone this week, cleaning out contacts, deleting photos, and giving unused apps the heave-ho. I needed to make room for the new operating system, which refused to download, as jumbled as things were.

The task dovetailed with the urge I get this time of year to clean up and clean out, leaving myself with only the absolute necessities as summer turns to fall.

While I was purging, I came across a list of F words I apparently jotted down at least a year ago or more. I don’t remember doing it, but I can imagine myself grabbing a moment after deadlines, or during a break as the kids’ chauffeur, or even in those groggy last seconds before sleep when I try to capture ideas that are intent on slipping away.

The list covered ground I’ve been thinking about for a while, like FIGHTING for the life you want and deserve, and FRAGILITY in making changes that might hurt.

There was FEAR that the going will be hard, FAITH to take it moment by moment, FOREVER knowing you have what it takes to succeed, and finally, and so true as it has turned out, that FRIENDS will get you through.

I’m amazed, looking back, how words that probably poured from me in frustration eventually triggered a massive personal transformation. It is one thing to write about how you want to change, emotionally and otherwise, and another thing altogether to make it happen.

The day we started this blog, almost three years ago now, I felt like I had awakened from a long, deep sleep where everything in my life had changed and I was damned if I knew how, or why, or even what to do about it.

But then it’s easy to feel like you are in a foreign land when you reach mid-life. There’s a panic when you realize how time has flown and the focus turns to where you are going, rather than where you’ve already been.

I’ve found a lot of my answers although some still elude me. Some routes were easy. Bang. Done. But most times, I had to take the long way around. Which left me exhausted, but grateful. Not only for each breath I take and every single beautiful thing I notice as I work to live in the moment, but for lessons learned that have forced me to dig deep and set a course.

Cleaning house feels good, whether it’s as simple as organizing a new phone system or the more complicated task of sorting through and releasing what no longer fits your life. As hard as it is, it’s the only way to make room for the things that really do.

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About Michele

I am a freelance writer with three kids, two cats, and a dog with thyroid disease. I'm bouncing back from a divorce and making the most of every day. There is so much beauty around me. I am grateful!
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