I have vacuumed my dog on occasion, but just lightly with the hose, and only to combat prolific shedding. But, of course, I had no intention of really vacuuming my son, or his suit pants.
I meant that I’d be happy to iron his pants, or toss them in the dryer to kill the wrinkles, as I have been known to do when really pressed for time. Or am feeling a little lazy. Or, OK, as I do a lot.
It’s like all my brain cells have run together lately into one big chaotic lump. Work. Home. Friends. Life. Sometimes it all comes crashing down, but thank God it is almost always funny.
I continually call my children by the cats’ names, left for a recent interview with my skirt inside out, and, the other day, almost yelled my coffee order into the trash can in the Dunkin’ Donuts drive-through.
One night, I thought I’d be the hero and make a surprise snack for our movie. Instead of bursting through the door announcing “POPCORN!” as I had planned, though, I swept in loaded down by two, huge steaming bowls, and shouted … “PUMPKINS!”
I stopped. Confused at the blank faces, and tried to correct myself. Kidding! Seeing if you are awake. But they know better and were off into hysterics. I don’t mind being the brunt of jokes because no one enjoys a laugh more than me. Even if it is at me. But lately I have felt a step behind.
This weekend I had a blast visiting with two friends, laughing for two days straight until I felt sick. I was exhausted from all the fun and when we got back to the driver’s house I unloaded my stuff, put it behind my car so I wouldn’t forget it, and headed into the house for my keys.
After kisses, hugs, and promises to do it again soon I was homeward bound. I hopped behind the wheel, revved the engine, and backed out over my suitcase, a bag of shoes, and a giant jug of hand cream.
I heard the bang and panicked. I’d already forgotten the stuff was there. Please don’t be an animal or a child I thought as I flew from the car, facing coconuty streaks of white stuff everywhere. What the hell is that?
It took a minute until my friend came running out, looked at me, and doubled over soundlessly. Crap. I did it again. When I tried to check my bag for breakage, I opened it and the contents spilled out onto the ground.
I can’t really thin my life out right now so I guess I’ll have to try to slow down, or at least get really used to laughing at myself. But that shouldn’t be too tough, right? Everyone else already is!