FEELINGS, nothing more than

I’ve tried to write regular posts for weeks and nothing would come. I’ve been feeling badly about it because Mindy and I have been steaming along for more than a year and a half now here at Women Overboard! There is always so much to say!

And then came the brick wall. I hit it in March and have had a blank screen since.

It’s not that I don’t have ideas. There are millions of them all flying through my head at the same time, most days. But sometimes life gets so full that you can’t even verbalize what is dominating your consciousness.

I sit here and stare at my laptop. And there are no words.

I like to write funny posts. But recently one of my kids was in a fiery late-night crash. The car full of friends veered to avoid a deer, the vehicle hit a tree, and exploded.

Miraculously, no one was hurt. I was so thankful/horrified/blown away that they all walked away from the wreckage I could barely think about it without tears. Can you imagine if one thing had been different? Everything would be indelibly changed.

This is how fragile life is. I’ve wanted to write about it, but how do you describe that fear, and really, does anyone want to read it? I haven’t thought so.

My husband was laid off a month or two ago and for the first time in a 30-year career isn’t working. It was a shock, even though we suspected it was coming. Since then, though, he’s been happier than I’ve seen him in a long time. Sometimes you just need an unceremonious invitation to the door to really get your life in perspective.

I wanted to write about that, but again, not exactly a rib-tickler. In response, I’ve been juggling three jobs and have some amazing clients, but I feel like their lives are private. Work at The Big Paper has been tremendous, but that’s my other life and I need to keep it separate. Again, no funny F word.

Add to that a friend’s surprise cancer diagnosis, a relative in need, kids going in different directions, the dog having more seizures, and two friends selling the summer houses that defined my youth — and my emotions are maxed out.

Then, if I wasn’t maxed out already, Donna Summer died this week … her music the soundtrack of my life back in the day. That threw me, and several people I know, for a loop. Are we getting old? Why can’t we go back? Are memories enough? Maybe I liked it better then!

The upshot is, I’ve just been existing differently lately. It’s hard to explain. My heart is with my blog posts, but my head has been somewhere else.

I can feel change in the air, though. With this gorgeous spring has come hope for things to take on more of an even keel. I’m already rolling around a couple of ideas to write about. So you’ll probably see me again here sooner than later.

I can feel a smile coming on. Maybe even a laugh. That’s always a good indicator.

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About Michele

I am a freelance writer with three kids, two cats, and a dog with thyroid disease. I'm bouncing back from a divorce and making the most of every day. There is so much beauty around me. I am grateful!
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