This has not been an easy week. My son got sick. My husband lost his job. And then the surgeon who worked on my leg last June said a(nother) faulty vein needs to go just as tennis season is ready to open, my one blissful indulgence.
She said this, of course, after we received a call that, in hand with the lay-off, the days of having health insurance with our particular plan may be numbered.
To say I felt discouraged is an understatement. So I’ve been looking forward to visiting my sister for Easter this weekend, a quick trip, with much to do to get ready, but worth it for the family time.
I have to find a place to board the dog, shop for multitudes of last-minute items, get the core group packed, and pray the car makes it without incident after a big bump on the highway shook something loose.
I will do this while working to the last millisecond on a variety of projects that are all due.
Yesterday, to divert my anxiety, I snuck out to try on clothes. Why didn’t anyone stop me? I wiggled and stretched, squatted and hopped. And concluded, much to my despair, that the outfits hadn’t shrunk, I’d grown. I sat on the tiny ledge they call a chair in the dressing room and willed myself not to cry. I felt, at that moment, utterly alone.
Sometimes life really piles on and this last couple of weeks, OK, couple of years, have been a case in point. Strength is not in short supply around here. But when is enough enough? How much can you take?
I was feeling like a victim until I shifted my thoughts to Holy Week which again has snuck up on me this year. Clearly, suffering is relative compared with well, you know who. If the greatest man who ever lived can put up with what he put up with I think I can manage to handle a few unexpected events.
I know this because at the same time I’ve been dodging disaster I’ve watched my daughter faithfully attend school and sports practices, and play grueling games and matches, while enduring pain that has plagued her for almost a year. I’ve seen my husband shift gears and work through a bad situation with grace, uplifted by my son’s smiles and ardent support. Even the dog has seemed more solicitous, and not just for food.
So, yeah, this week was crap in some ways from worries about the future to pants that are way too small. But for every door that closes a window opens, so they say. I’m waiting to see what happens, and I’m hopeful that things will change. We may be losing a lot, but we have each other. And that will hold us for now.