The very first call we got after our phone was installed here four years ago was for Ralph. In fact, we get so many calls for him, at all times of the day and night, I feel like we should be on a first-name basis, except I have no idea who he is, or where he lives.
I don’t know if Ralph once had our phone number, or if he just gave it out randomly to avoid these types of annoying calls from people looking for money they are owed. You’ll notice I’m not using his last name, because, basically, I’m afraid he’ll come after me.
There are some things I do surmise about Ralph, just based on my experience. Like, I think he’s a homebody. When we went to Lowe’s to buy a new storm door the clerk entered our phone number into his computer and Ralph’s name popped up. The same thing happened at Sears. And Home Depot.
I know Ralph likes to shop, and tend to his health, because I get calls from credit companies and medical groups demanding past due amounts. I also think things have been ramping up in Ralph’s world because there are a bunch of recent messages asking us to call 800 numbers for “very important reasons.” When I finally do? The person on the other end starts talking about Ralph.
I patiently explain that no one by that name lives here, and ask to be taken off their list. They apologize. But I don’t think they really believe me. Because they just keep calling. In fact, I just hung up with a guy who listened to my Ralph-doesn’t-live-here spiel and then replied, “You know, this call is being monitored.”
Somehow this has got to stop because I’m getting to the end of my rope. I was thinking just now that maybe a little reverse psychology will do the trick. Anyone out there have Ralph’s phone number? I’d like to send a few of my creditors his way.