You can’t always get what you want
But if you try sometimes well you just might find
You get what you need.
– The Rolling Stones
Tuesday morning I posted here about the breadth of life passages I was scheduled to witness in these past seven days. The first two of those days had already gone off without a hitch: friends were reconnected with, fun was had, food was consumed, presents were opened: it was a great weekend.
And then the wheels came off.
I should have seen it coming. Friday, the only sunny day in a wet and dreary weekend forecast, I came home from work and mowed my lawn. Normally, I sweat a little, use a couple of muscles lugging the cord of my electric mower, and am done within 40 minutes. But not even halfway through, I was so tired I didn’t think I could finish. I did anyway.
Saturday, Sunday and Monday I cleaned, shopped, ate out, had overnight guests, cooked and went to two showers. I wrote a blog post. No problem. Tuesday morning, I parked three blocks from my office, and when I reached it, took 10 minutes to catch my breath. Something was wrong.
The rest of my week was filled with medical personnel, blood draws and hours of inertia. I’m inert now, on my couch, which has seen far more of my backside in the last 48 hours than it has in the last four weeks. The runners are running, my friend’s son is reciting his passages from the Torah, the memorial service will start soon in another part of New England. People will dance and drink at the wedding. I won’t be there.
I will be here, getting some much-needed down time. I have every reason to think that I’ll be fine. I don’t have the energy for anything that requires more than the very least amount of exertion, so everything that requires actual work is off the table. Instead, I have the gift of watching US Open tennis on my laptop, taking rare and priceless afternoon naps, and two days with nowhere I have to be. I watched a wonderful movie. There is a gorgeous day just outside my door, and later I will spend precious energy fishing a couple of porch chairs from where I hid them ahead of the approaching hurricane, and do nothing in the sun.
It’s not the weekend I had planned, but it’s the weekend I have – and I’m OK with that.