FALLING apart

This week really kicked my ass. When I dissolved into tears yesterday I knew it was more than time for the weekend to come. So I closed up my shop early and went to lie down and wait for 5 o’clock to arrive.

Everywhere I have turned over the past few days has placed me in the path of something bad, upsetting, or frustrating. People have been annoying. In my haste to get it all done I have smashed into door knobs and door frames. I’m covered in bruises.

I’ve broken glasses, missed appointments, and actually tripped over the rug and fell right here in my office. Just one disaster after another.

I used to joke about having “seatbelt days” when it was just safer to take it slow and stay home. This whole week, and really, the one before that, qualified. We are in the middle of a brutal Mercury retrograde, for those of you who follow the stars. So that might account for some of it. My brilliant astrologer friend mmm61 could tell you a lot more about that one.

But after reviewing the week’s events, I can pinpoint some major ingredients that pushed me over the edge. I’ve been riding out some stormy seas with a client, for one. I’m really feeling the loss of my mom, even after two years. She loved April and tender new life in the garden, as do I, and I miss every second of everything I can’t share with her.

My hormones are all over the place. Up and then down. Happy, then sobs. And I’ve been juggling a lot more than I can handle in this fragile state. Taxes. Financial aid forms. Challenges with kids and animals. Cars with problems, or that crash.  Misunderstandings all around.

Is this everyone’s life, or just my life? Sometimes I’m not sure. But instead of having a breakdown, as I felt last night I deserved, I’ve decided to find ways to turn it all around.

For starters, I’m going to get outside and do some yard work, which for me is as good as a miracle cure. And then I’m going to go for a manicure and a pedicure, and shop for my baby’s birthday party tomorrow.

And then tonight, I’m going to pour a big glass of wine, and optimistically offer up thanks that the worst is over. Deep breaths. Hopefully, next week will be brighter.

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About Michele

I am a freelance writer with three kids, two cats, and a dog with thyroid disease. I'm bouncing back from a divorce and making the most of every day. There is so much beauty around me. I am grateful!
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6 Responses to FALLING apart

  1. Mindy says:

    No, Michele, it wasn’t just you. Maybe it was the Mercury retrograde, but it felt more like a three-day trip out of town and brutal sleep deprivation were to blame – among other things that I won’t get into now. My salvation came in the form of an invitation. On my way home after work yesterday, unsure that I could stay awake long enough to travel the entire 2.5 miles safely – a close friend called to ask if I wanted to go to dinner and a movie. It was the last thing I felt like doing, but I don’t get a lot of quality time with this incredibly busy woman, so against my better judgment, I said yes, although I made her drive to my house to get me. We never did make it to the movie, but went to a fabulous little Italian restaurant downtown, got the last two unreserved seats (at the bar), and proceeded to have a lovely evening punctuated with great food and great wine. I went home, watched a DVD, went to bed and got 8 full hours of sleep. Today is sunny and beautiful, and I feel like a new person. I, too, am hoping that next week goes much better – for both of us!

  2. mmm61 says:

    The planets call for a day full of optimism, and, Michele and Mindy, it sounds like your days are starting that way. I’ve had a really tough two weeks myself, but today I feel hopeful. I believe that the upsetting things that have happened are really a sort of miracle pushing my husband and me out of our comfort zone and on to other ways our gifts are meant to be used. I hope I can hold onto this belief through the challenges ahead.

  3. Mindy says:

    mmm61, what’s your secret for being able to generate that positive attitude? I tend to always see the negative first — a legacy from my mother and grandmother — and of the issues I struggle with, this is the hardest for me to overcome. Even when I get up and tell myself it’s going to be a good day no matter what, I’m often grumbling by the time I get to work!

    • mmm61 says:

      It took a week and a half of struggling with the “dark side” and telling myself that this was an opportunity before it really sank in that it is. Keeping a positive attitude does not come naturally to me, but in this case, as we were praying for a miracle, it occurred to me that maybe we had just been given one. We just don’t fully understand it yet.

      So, even though I have many, many days when getting out of bed is a struggle, I have my moments when light dawns and hope re-emerges.

  4. Michele says:

    i felt lighter in spirit just acknowledging the crap time i was having. then, anything was better by comparison. i so appreciate both of your comments and thoughts. you are two good friends who need to meet one another one of these days. … axctually, you already have as i think about it. you were both at my wedding!

  5. Mindy says:

    I have been reminded over and over that the true path rarely runs in a straight line. Yet it’s easy to forget, when you’re forced into a sharp left turn, that there may be something better ahead on the crooked road that on the straight. Here’s hoping that’s the case for you.

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