FOAMING at the mouth

Every once in a while something pops into my email inbox that makes me laugh. Today it’s from an online medical site, one of my favorite sources of humor.

First, I have to say I feel guilty after my husband and I went out for a wonderful dinner last night and probably consumed about 5,000 calories between us.

We started with ice-cold Cosmopolitans, moved on to cabernet, a fantastic filet mignon in mushroom wine gravy, and (though neither of us was still hungry) a grapenut custard pudding that we only ordered because it reminded us of my dad.

Then, we sipped coffee, which kept me up all night, so I had plenty of time for regret.

This morning I started looking for ways to offset the holiday spread when the article, “Put these foods on your naughty list,” found me. OK. I’m game. What are they?

Well, some aren’t tempting, like potato pancakes, caramel popcorn, and the No. 1 bad boy: turkey skin. Nothing grosses me out more than the latter, so no worries there.

Then stuffing and buttery mashed potatoes, which of course I like. Sweet potato casserole. Yup. Pecan pie? It’s one of my specialties. Fancy finger foods and pigs-in-a-blanket. What party doesn’t have them?  Or egg nog, mixed drinks, cakes and cookies, and milk chocolates?

Come on! Is there anything left?

Not as far as WebMD is concerned, except for tips to avoid gorging and imbibing. Like, “Engage in conversation to slow the pace of eating,” and “Sit as far as you can from the buffet table.” “So, how about those Patriots?” I call from the neighbors’ porch.

“Excuse yourself from the dinner table once you’ve had enough to eat.” Yes, that’s me wandering your house while the rest of the guests are laughing, talking, and eating together. But don’t worry, I’ll be back down to socialize after I do some sit-ups.

And, finally, “chew gum to reduce the desire to nibble.” I can see that working well. So, editor, (snap) what did you think about my last story? (chomp chomp bubble pop.)

I don’t know. The rest of the email said that if you imagine you are eating something you like, you will eat less of it when you have it in front of you. As we open a bottle later, I’ll find out if that applies to wine.

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About Michele

I am a freelance writer with three kids, two cats, and a dog with thyroid disease. I'm bouncing back from a divorce and making the most of every day. There is so much beauty around me. I am grateful!
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