FOLLOWING my heart

I’ve never dated much. I was pretty much high and dry until I went to college, where it seemed that one day I moved into my dorm room, and when I opened my door the next day there was a line of post-pubescent males waiting on the other side. I didn’t seem to have changed, so my freshman year had a startling “aha!” quality to it.

While I had a lot of attention, I never had a really steady boyfriend. I dated here and there, and saw someone just for fun my first year in grad school, but it ended with a drunken thud (his, not mine). I just wasn’t interested in the men who were interested in me, and vice versa.

I met my husband as I was leaving grad school; we dated long-distance for a while, and finally moved to the same city to see if it would work. Taking the long view, I’m not sure it did, but it seemed to work well enough in the moment, and so I got married. I stayed that way for 18 years, until the marriage ended and I was, once again, a single woman.

At first, my new single life was exhilarating. But I got a little bored and a little lonely. So I held my breath and joined a matchmaking service. I should have held on to the cash; it felt more like a marketing exercise, and I signed off when my subscription expired.

And so my dating pattern resumed where it left off: I’m interested, they’re not; they’re sniffing around, I’m running the other way. Very briefly, I jumped online, but was a little freaked out and left more eagerly than I arrived.

Recently, at the urging of friends, I tried again, if somewhat passively. I met one very nice man, but my heart just wasn’t in it. So, today, I took down my profile. Someday I would love to have a real relationship, but I don’t have the patience for the trial-and-error stuff. I want to meet someone in the flesh, not across a broadband cable. I’m not insisting that our eyes meet across a crowded room, but I don’t ever get a true sense of a person unless I can experience him up close and personal.

If that makes me outdated and undated, then so be it. Someday, someone will catch my eye, and I’ll catch his. Until then, life is good. In matters of the heart, ya gotta go with your gut.


About Mindy

I am divorced, no kids, working full-time in corporate communications. There are never enough hours in my day, mostly because I insist on hygiene, food, exercise and clean dishes. Really, how do women with kids do it?!?
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3 Responses to FOLLOWING my heart

  1. Michele says:

    That is so true, Mindy. When the time is right things fall into place. But in the meanwhile, the beat goes on!

  2. lindeeq says:

    So true sweetie. Can’t believe we never talked about this but we have had the same experience basically when it comes to men… the ones that are interested in me… not so much for me and the ones that catch my eye have never given me a second look.
    In any case it made me feel better that someone understands.
    So enjoying both yours and Michele’s post. 🙂

    • Mindy says:

      Welcome aboard, Lindeeq! So glad you chimed in — I think we all share so many of the same experiences but don’t always speak up for fear that what we go through is different from even our closest friends. That’s what we’re doing here — trying to talk about the snippets of life that are common to all of us. Hope you’ll keep on commenting. We all help each other. 🙂

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