I’ve never dated much. I was pretty much high and dry until I went to college, where it seemed that one day I moved into my dorm room, and when I opened my door the next day there was a line of post-pubescent males waiting on the other side. I didn’t seem to have changed, so my freshman year had a startling “aha!” quality to it.
While I had a lot of attention, I never had a really steady boyfriend. I dated here and there, and saw someone just for fun my first year in grad school, but it ended with a drunken thud (his, not mine). I just wasn’t interested in the men who were interested in me, and vice versa.
I met my husband as I was leaving grad school; we dated long-distance for a while, and finally moved to the same city to see if it would work. Taking the long view, I’m not sure it did, but it seemed to work well enough in the moment, and so I got married. I stayed that way for 18 years, until the marriage ended and I was, once again, a single woman.
At first, my new single life was exhilarating. But I got a little bored and a little lonely. So I held my breath and joined a matchmaking service. I should have held on to the cash; it felt more like a marketing exercise, and I signed off when my subscription expired.
And so my dating pattern resumed where it left off: I’m interested, they’re not; they’re sniffing around, I’m running the other way. Very briefly, I jumped online, but was a little freaked out and left more eagerly than I arrived.
Recently, at the urging of friends, I tried again, if somewhat passively. I met one very nice man, but my heart just wasn’t in it. So, today, I took down my profile. Someday I would love to have a real relationship, but I don’t have the patience for the trial-and-error stuff. I want to meet someone in the flesh, not across a broadband cable. I’m not insisting that our eyes meet across a crowded room, but I don’t ever get a true sense of a person unless I can experience him up close and personal.
If that makes me outdated and undated, then so be it. Someday, someone will catch my eye, and I’ll catch his. Until then, life is good. In matters of the heart, ya gotta go with your gut.