I started a personal experiment a year or so ago to try to live in thankfulness.
I know. It’s a big buzz word that everyone throws around. But I really mean it. The purpose is to learn to love and appreciate what is, rather than yearn for what isn’t.
That’s harder than it seems. I came to this decision after being crippled with loss and anxiety. Without being too melodramatic, I really wanted to wish away every day, to get it over with, than have to live through each one. I wasn’t sure I could.
Weeks and months flew by, and then a year or two of mere existence, and little joy.
I’m not sure what exactly it was that turned my thoughts around. There were a few key moments in that time frame, both good and bad. A loved one in the depths of depression got better. But then my mother died. And I turned 50.
Was it one, or all of those things? I’m not sure. But I do know I was so entrenched in surviving I really had forgotten how to live.
I remember how my dad would gather us around the table during family dinners and make each person say something they felt thankful for. I dreaded it. And wanted to say I’d be thankful if we never did that again.
But everything mellows. Today, I’m thankful I had my dad as long as I did and I’d give anything to sit through one of those meals.
As my experiment progressed, I found I was praying more. Not church-type praying. But ongoing conversations throughout the day, like with a friend. And I began to take time to notice things again.
Like the silent beauty of a falling fall leaf. The mammoth trees that line my yard. My daughter’s radiant smile.
I’m learning to appreciate quality of life one small, comforting moment at a time. And be thankful for it. Because it’s my moment.
So, basically, I’m just thankful. For my life. My family. That I lost 6 pounds. And for you, too, out in the blogosphere. What are you thankful for?