FRAGILITY

When Michele and I decided to launch this blog, I thought, well, this will be fun! I can polish my non-corporate writing skills, say some pithy things and show off my sparkling sense of humor. But I’m feeling neither pithy nor funny, so here I sit, thinking about loss.

We have reached the age when things start to happen to people you love.

While terrible things can happen at any age, there comes a time when it becomes a disturbingly regular occurrence. For me, this started around seven or eight years ago, and the tragedies that befell friends and loved ones included natural death, a fatal shooting, an accident that resulted in permanent disability, miscarriages, mental illness and cancer. This year I lost two former colleagues, one 61 and one 52. Last year it was my mom and one of my best friends, who was 46.

But loss is particularly on my mind just now because I’m coming up on the one-year anniversary of the departure of two important people from my life. It’s tougher when, like yesterday, something happens to remind me that they’ve moved beyond my reach. Driving along the interstate, I was overcome by a sadness so deep that I could feel my heart breaking all over again.

The moment passed, and I dabbed away the tears, put on my best face and continued with my day. I spent yesterday afternoon listening to “The Moth” marathon on my NPR station, which took my mind off my own sadness and made even the interminable fall pledge drive enjoyable. As much as I feel the need to let go of the past, I’m not sure I want to. Or that I can. How do you let go of pain, or of love? I haven’t yet figured that one out.

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About Mindy

I am divorced, no kids, working full-time in corporate communications. There are never enough hours in my day, mostly because I insist on hygiene, food, exercise and clean dishes. Really, how do women with kids do it?!?
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4 Responses to FRAGILITY

  1. Michele says:

    I’m not sure that we can really, truly, even consciously, let go of pain and love. Maybe, though, as we move forward and become focused in other directions, they just finally let go of us. Anyone?

  2. mmm61 says:

    I think sometimes that to completely let go of the pain of loss is to lose the beauty of the love that was.

    • Mindy says:

      I’ve just started rereading a book on perfectionism (“The Pursuit of Perfect,” which I highly recommend if you’re just way too hard on yourself) that essentially says the same thing. Yet you have to be able to let go enough to move on. I find that some days I can, and some days I just get brought to my knees. But I do think that the pain makes a relationship now gone even that much more precious.

  3. Michele says:

    It does make it precious. Strangely, though, in one relationship I lost years and years ago (the circumstances were probably different) the pain eventually morphed into anger when I considered how much time I had spent pining. In that case it was good, because then I was finally able to move on. Although I might have liked to knock the person in the head, as well, if I could have!

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